The latest Superstar Communicator Podcast is an interview with author Edward Turnbull, who has written Mindful Communication for Happiness Where he shares his top tips to being an effective communicator. But also one who is able to bring happiness when you speak. Now this week is International Happiness Day and what a better time to be reminded that we can spread happiness by how we communicate!
Learning points from the podcast
- We need to ensure we are physically and mentally well. So ensure you are fit and your wellbeing is positive.
- Look at your own communication styles. Are you abrupt? Or don’t listen? Or you are aggressive when you speak? Are you stressed or exhausted? Could this be affecting the impact of your communication?
- Consider other people’s communication styles. Could they be having a bad day and it is nothing to do with you? Perhaps THEY are stressed or overworked.
the Superstar Communicator Podcast
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Here is the transcript of the podcast interview.
Welcome to the superstar communicator podcast. My name is Susan Heaton-Wright, a leading impact speaking and communications expert. My aim is to show you how to make an impact. So you will be heard or listened to and respected for career success. Listen weekly to the podcast, and go to our website, superstar communicators.com. Hi there.
This is Susan Heaton-Wright. Thank you very much for tuning in today, we’ve got a really, really exciting episode. But before we meet our guest, I wanted to tell you a couple of things and invite you to engage with me in other ways. First of all, I am planning a series of complimentary webinars just half an hour, on topics such as virtual presentations, sharing some top tips, virtual public speaking, lots of top tips, how to create content that really, really engages with your audience. As I speak, it’s a year since we went into lockdown in the United Kingdom, and virtual communication is here to stay. And I want to be able to share some of my expertise, and what I have been sharing with my corporate clients. So if you want to know more about this, and I will put the link in the notes, you need to go to https://superstarcommunicator.com/webinar-interest . The other thing is that I have created a checklist to become a superstar communicator. And if you want that checklist, again, you just need to register to grab your copy. And it is https://superstarcommunicator.com/ten-top-tips . And you will get all of the information there. I hope this will be of interest to you. Because remember that all of the things we talked about are covered in the checklist. So now, I want to introduce our next guest. Edward Turnbull contacted me a couple of months ago because he has written a book on called mindful communication for happiness. I thought this really tied in well with international happiness day, which is on the 20th of March. He’s had a background in business communication, and negotiation. He is an experienced, meditator who enjoys travelling the world and training as an athlete. His life experiences have led to the belief that we need to work on everything from Diet, Fitness, and mental training to be our best. He has written a book mindful communication for happiness, which ties in with international day of happiness. And I know this is going to be a hugely valuable podcast for you. So don’t forget to share it with all of your friends. So we have got International Day of happiness on the 20th of March. And this is a perfect time to talk to you, Edward, because you have written this incredible book called mindful communication for happiness. So welcome, Edward.
Thank you, Susan. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me today.
Susan Heaton-Wright 04:16
why did you decide to write this book?
This book has been something I’ve been thinking about for quite some time, probably for the past six years or so. Just in general noticing the change in communication and business in personal life just in general society around the world. Just seeing sort of some things that problems with communication roadblocks, and I just feel things were not moving as smoothly as they could. There’s something I wanted to address and put out there and possibly help some people see into this some of their own communication habits in the future.
Susan Heaton-Wright 04:54
Until you think that now that we are communicating almost always Virtually that has increased the potential problems with communication.
In some ways, I don’t know, I think, you know, social media and things of that nature have created some certain habits. It may be accentuated some bad ones, but I think in some ways, it’s helped people with technology, if it’s used in a certain way and is used correctly, it’s very beneficial. That I think it’s definitely maybe created some, some bad habits. The time more now, it’s a little bit it’s very different. I know, most people are, you know, working from home, and everything is gone. Very virtual. But again, I think when you’re speaking with somebody through on the phone, or through a video, it’s not face to face, but still there’s certain aspects of communication, that that that need to be looked at as important. And it’s definitely going to change the outcome of business calls or personal calls or your goals in life. And what you’re trying to do, in the sense of everybody is communicating. Since they wake up in the morning, or even when they’re sleeping, you never really stopped communicating or communicating with other people you’re communicating with your own body or communicating with the environment, I think it’s something that’s, you know, very, very important to pay attention to. And I think some people are very caught up in their conditioned to habits, and it’s not so much that there are unaware, it’s just they’re going along with it. And you know, people are busy, maybe they don’t have the time to reflect on it. And certain things are maybe not working out as well, with relationships or with you know, they’re constantly having problems and business or people they’re dealing with, there’s a lot of conflicts or arguments. And, you know, a lot of people tend to look out and say, well, it’s this person’s fault, or is that’s that person’s fault. And I think, you know, a one big thing with communication is taking a step back and looking first at your own communication. And going from there, and this is kind of where the book leads in.
Susan Heaton-Wright 06:57
I don’t want to be rude, but I, and I’m not sure how old you are, at what, but I wonder if there is?
Sorry, I’m 45.
Susan Heaton-Wright 07:12
You’re a little bit younger than me, but I just wonder if the difference with the generation. So for millennials who were brought up on digital, if their communication style, and what they believe to be okay, is different from somebody like myself, who is Generation x
I think definitely there, there’s always going to be different habits from generation to generation, I think, specifically with the millennial generation. Definitely, they have been brought up with a digital type of communication. So I think they’re face to face in than in person. Communication is maybe not as deep as some of the older generations. But again, there’s always exceptions, and I don’t like to, to put everybody into a box. I mean, I have friends in, you know, in their 20s. And also, you know, older my age and older as well. And I think that good communicators in general, regardless of their age, have certain habits that carry through and again, you know, everyone’s you know, going to be influenced by their generation, they’re going to have maybe a bit more of the characteristics from what’s going on in that time frame. But I think, again, where the book comes in, is there’s certain specifics and certain parts of communication that really are never going to change, no matter what the generation is, no matter what the technology is, it’s just a matter of how to relate to yourself and relate to other people for happiness, and also for success.
Susan Heaton-Wright 08:47
the difference between spoken and written communication? Do you think that they are separate? Or do you think that they are one in the same?
Well, I think all communication is the same and insensitive communication? I think, with written communication, whether that’s, again, there’s different forms of written communication, but I think, I think it’s the same. And there’s different specifics you could use in each form, but it also depends on what you’re doing. are you texting your best friend? are you texting your boss? are you texting a potential business? relationship? You know, again, are you dealing with somebody, you know, are you writing something, an email to customer service representative? Or are you writing an email to, you know, your girlfriend, perhaps so I think or your boyfriend. So I think that again, and the book does go into more detail in this but I think it’s specific to each situation. But again, there’s certain I think there’s certain guidelines that should carry through and everything and where people should definitely be respectful and they should be clear about not just what they’re saying, but where it’s coming from. I think on a deeper level, yeah. You’re not just, you know, to get the message across, but am I getting the message across in the best possible way for the situation? Am I taking the other people’s feelings into consideration? Am I my angry? Am I emotional? Am I coming from a state of frustration? Again, because I think sometimes people like to unload their emotions, whether it’s consciously or subconsciously, onto other people. You know, and I’ve seen it again, I’ve seen it sometimes often more in business than I see it in personal interactions. And I think a lot of the time, people are blind to that or gotten, they’re conditioned into a habit that it makes them feel better to say, I’m just going to let out my frustration through this email or through this call or to this text. And I think, from that perspective, that that communication is the same. But again, if you’re, you know, communicating through a written message, or through a verbal, again, it depends on the situation.
Susan Heaton-Wright 11:03
And I love the fact that you focus early on on the importance of being well, in yourself when you communicate. And by Well, I mean, physically well, or if you’re tired, or if you realise that you’re frustrated, that you might need to be mindful and take a step back. So you don’t say, all right, something that you could regret later.
Absolutely. And I think a lot of the time, people are tired, and they’re stressed out, especially now, just in the last, you know, probably decade even I think things have just been getting faster and faster. And I think a lot of times people are just have too many things on their mind, they’re not clear. And, again, it makes it harder to take a step back and be mindful. And I think the foundation is very important. And I know season that you exercise. And I know you, you take you take part in that sort of thing. And I realised that for a lot of people they do and some people they doubt, and I think everyone’s at their own level, and that becomes normal for you. So what you know, for some, somebody might be at a, we’ll just let’s just pick a random number, let’s say your your health and your wellness is at an eight out of 10. Well, that feels normal for somebody at eight, that if somebody is at a four constantly than that four feels normal for them. So if the eight drops down to a seven, they feel like I’m off today, but if the four drops down to a three, they feel they’re off today. So I think everyone kind of needs to look at where they’re at, and start working from there. And I think it’s very important to get enough sleep. I do recommend I talked about it in the book, meditation, that’s a whole other topic. But I think it’s something that’s very important for calming the mind, calming the body, starting to build some room to have more mindfulness, it does take time, it’s not a quick fix, it’s not an easy fix, it’s something you do have to start doing every day. And it’s going to take some work. And same with the health and fitness and whether that’s just taking a half an hour run every day, or a nice walk, making sure you’re eating some healthy food, just starting slowly. I mean, just making one adjustment at a time and getting comfortable with it. You don’t have to change your whole lifestyle overnight. But I think what happens is you start to build that foundation, you start to manage your energy better, you start to maybe cut out things you don’t always need to do if too many friends you have too many obligations. I think people want to do too much. And I think part of it is saying look, what do I you know, what are the top five or six things I really, really want life? What do I want to do? What do I want to focus on? And really kind of cutting everything else out that’s getting in the way of those really focusing in on those and a big part of one of those would definitely be your health and your wellness?
Susan Heaton-Wright 13:38
Yes. And I suppose emotional wellness, all areas of wellness,
it ties in together, I think you know, I think the mind and the body are connected. You need to work on both. But absolutely, it’s there. They’re one in the same. If you’re not, you know, if you’re not eating well, if you’re not sleeping well, I mean, your mental health is not going to be as good as it could be. There’s no question about it.
Susan Heaton-Wright 14:00
And I love the fact that you believe that there’s a connection between mindfulness and communication. We it’s not something that I certainly I’ve come across before. I often speak to other communication experts. I myself have my own communication model superstar communicator. But you are the first person that has put a connection between mindfulness and communication right away, I perceive from reading the book is that it is a conscious decision. And it could be consciously aware of different communication situations. Am I on the right line on that?
You’re on the right path and of mindfulness. I don’t not a huge fan of the word mindful. I know it’s become very popular, especially in the last couple of years. So it’s something real What it means is to be aware of what you’re doing while you’re doing it. So for example, with communication, while you’re communicating, you’re aware of how you’re communicating what you’re communicating, you’re aware of your internal emotions, you’re aware of the other person, how they’re reacting. They’re subtle communication. I think, really, I mean, I have a background in business and sales, particularly, for Fortune 500, business, intellectual property law. And I also have a background in meditation, I’ve been doing it for a very long time. And I think those things coming together sort of really gave me a clear insight as to how I’ve had success with communication and how I could help other people with it. And faults I’ve seen with other people and their communication that’s holding them back from their full potential. And we’re talking about CEOs and fortune 500 companies, we’re not just talking about somebody that’s not aware of their communication, or, you know, maybe a younger person that’s kind of just conditioned into their generation, and their friends and their habits and everything. So, really, the gamut of communication runs, you know, quite a long way. And I think that most people, a lot of people are not as aware as they could be, and I don’t know, think they realise maybe how it’s affecting their life and their happiness. And I’ve also noticed that, well, the title of the book, and the happiness comes from the fact that I’ve also noticed a lot with people that are not that happy. I just, some people are, but I’ve noticed that a lot of people are, you know, they say they are, but you can just tell they’re not, and I feel there’s something missing, and I think a lot of it does stem, the base and their communication, the way they are dealing with people around them. And a lot of that causes problems and those problems come back to them, which obviously causes stress, which you know, is not going to make you super, super happy.
Susan Heaton-Wright 16:50
And you know, get moving on from happiness. How can mindful communication pick up because our listeners haven’t read the book yet? And we’ll talk about the book in a moment how how people can order it? How can mindful communications help in all relationships, so it could be your family, it could be your partner, it could actually be your colleagues or the team that you lead? How can this help?
Well, first of all, I mean, it’s looking inwards first to see your own communication habits, and starting to work on those. So again, your health, your wellness, your emotions, where things you know, when you’re getting into conflicts with people, or if you’re having communication, your, your feeling, you should be having a better or you want a better outcome, or you feel it should be a better outcome, and it’s not happening. It’s really when you start to look in and go, maybe it’s me, you know, maybe it’s not this other person, but where’s this coming from? And being honest with yourself, and it’s not easy, and it can be scary to really start to, to look back at yourself. But once you start doing that, and you start feeling better about yourself inside and maybe realising. You know that, you know, there’s some ego in there, and there’s some, there’s all sorts of a mix of things that could come out. But I think when you start focusing on other people at that point, you start being more compassionate for people having compassion for people, not I feel so much judgement in the world, right? Everybody’s judging everybody else. And know everybody, it’s kind of like people are judging, like, they’re perfect. And, and really, nobody’s perfect. Everyone’s here to learn and grow. And I think part of successful mindful communication is, is working on your own communication, but it’s also it’s also embracing other people and helping them to see, you know, where they can grow and supporting people and also having compassion for people’s shortcomings, whether people are angry or stressed or they’re tired, instead of kind of giving them a hard time over it, maybe look and say, Well, look, you know, my boss is working too many hours, he’s stressed out, he’s got family issues, or this or that, and, you know, there’s problems and, you know, have some compassion and, and, and if you start to communicate from, from that perspective, where you’re kind of, you know, respecting people for their human self, for their, inner self, from, you know, having compassion for, where they’re coming from, their, what they’re struggling from, starts to make a huge difference. And you start to treat people better, and you all day and also start to respond to you better because they can, people can feel that no one you’re coming from a place of being genuine. And you have to put yourself down to do it and it takes time. But, you know, the best communicators. They they do that and they have they think they’ve learned that. So again, whether it’s your your spouse, girlfriend, your boyfriend, whether it’s the person that you know, the Starbucks You know, you’re you’re not just coming from a place of, I’m just want what I want, I want to get my coffee and I want to get out of here as fast as possible. And I don’t really care about this other person and you know, you know, they’re being rude to me, or it’s funny how people can create this whole scenario and there’s really nothing. It’s really not personal. Maybe this person’s having a bad day. It’s not nothing about you and You create this negativity, and then it spreads on to the next person and the next person, it just goes on throughout the day. So I think if you start to mitigate from a mindful standpoint, you start to work on yourself and you start to have compassion for others, it starts to spread out in your life and, you know, people start to react to you better things start to fall into place, and things become a lot smoother. So this is definitely how it would How would help.
Susan Heaton-Wright 20:24
And I always ask my guests on the podcast, for three top tips that they can share with the listener. Now, in your case, it’s probably around mindful communication for happiness. And given that we’ve got the International Day of happiness, it would be great to marry all of that together. So what are your three top tips,
three top tips, the first would be to, to take some time to focus on your health and your wellness, like we’ve been talking about. So your foundation, whether that’s to start a meditation practice, whether it’s just to say, you know, I’m going to start drinking better water, or I’m going to start, you know, eating a little bit healthier, eating more, or eating less, or whatever the fact is, you’re going out to the, to the you’re taking a yoga class or something, something like this. So making some changes in that area would be the first, the first one. The second tip would be to start looking at your own communication. Start looking inwards to why you know, you’re communicating in certain ways, and be very honest with yourself. And if you just start a little bit, I mean, it grows. So you might just do it, remember to do it once in a conversation, and then you might do it more and more. So start from from there. You know, while while you’re alone, think about things and also when you’re communicating with other people. And the third one would definitely going to start focusing on other people’s communication. So while you’re communicating with them, or after the communication is over, and maybe there’s something you’re still thinking about, or there was an issue, you know, start thinking about why people are communicating the way they are. And maybe it’s not about you, maybe it’s about something else. And start to just become mindful of that and create some space to just observe people and observe the communication on your end and on other people’s.
Susan Heaton-Wright 22:16
Brilliant, what three great tips. And I’m sure everybody listening today, there are going to be some great takeouts from these tips from Edward. But before you go, and this is a fascinating interview, how could the listeners get in contact with you or get the book or organise a chat with you.
So basically, my book is available on all the major channels, you can definitely go to Amazon, I think Amazon, most people love Amazon. So Amazon, I have an author page there. So you can find the book there. And I will give you my email address that you can post in the in the link to this podcast, so people can contact me if they’d like, if they have any questions. I also do offer some coaching with it can be personal it can be it can be corporates, anything in that area. So to deal with communication, or dealing with your own or how to deal with other people can be conflicts can be any of that stuff. It can be just to achieve better goals or to get your point across better with other people.
Susan Heaton-Wright 23:31
Oh, brilliant. So what I’ll do is that I’ll put that information in the notes for this particular podcast. Before we finish, is there anything else you’d like to add? Edward?
No, I think that’s it. Susan, I think I think we covered the general the general basis of the book is it is written in a simple way. It’s it’s quite a short book. So it’s not something that it’s going to take a month a month to read. I know people are busy. So there will be an audio book coming out. It’s not available yet. But it’s just I tell people it is a quick read. There’s a lot of information in there. It’s quite packed in. But again, there’s a lot of points, a lot of things to think about. This goes into a lot more detail on the stuff that we’ve talked about today on the on this podcast. And I think it’s definitely it’s something that’s really will help people during this time and moving into the future.
Susan Heaton-Wright 24:25
Brilliant, and water, water a great way to finish this. And to really think about international day
of happiness, and how we can make other people around us happy with the way that we communicate. Absolutely. And you know what, at the end of the day, when you make other people happy, you end up feeling happier yourself. It’s just the way it works. And, you know, I mean, happiness again is it is something that is based on external circumstances and that’s where we start and we go from there. If you get very happy, then you might just experience a lot of joy which is like the ultimate, the ultimate thing I think that everybody wants it that’s
Susan Heaton-Wright 25:07
absolutely new brought joy to my life today into by being interviewed. So thank you very much, Edward.
Thank you, Susan. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you for having me on today.
Susan Heaton-Wright 25:19
loads to go away with aren’t there lots to think about, and some of these things I hadn’t thought about before. So I hope you have found this of huge value. Don’t forget that you can leave a review on all of the platforms for podcasts because it will really really help me and remember that you can also grab your superstar communicator checklist and also find out more about the webinars that I am going to be delivering complimentary ones. All of the information is in the notes. So until next time, this is Susan from superstar communicator You have been listening to the superstar communicator podcast. Don’t forget to subscribe and review the podcast on iTunes and all that. Please contact us if you want to discuss any topic could suggest a topic for us to include or a guest who could come on to the podcast go to superstar communicator.com