It’s great when you are asked on Twitter to comment on a ‘story’ or article. Even better when it is fellow We Are The City blogger, uber Babe Carolyn from Maiden Voyage. Carolyn sent me this article, which even hit CNN. The article highlights communication etiquette, as well as the power of viral messages on the internet.
A summary of the story is this: a 26 year old approached a more senior female via Linkedin, asking to connect with her and presumably to ask to mentor her. There is no copy of this message, which is a shame. They didn’t know each other before. However, the more senior woman decided to respond by sending this message “Your invitation to connect is inappropriate, beneficial only to you, and tacky. Wow, I cannot wait to let every 26-year-old jobseeker mine my top-tier marketing connections to help them land a job. … You’re welcome for your humility lesson for the year.” The younger woman, Mekota, responded by sharing it on social media; which went viral. The older woman, Blazek, who was a highly respected senior marketeer was ridiculed and had to apologise. Are you still with me?
Neither woman comes out of this well. I expect Blazek receives plenty of emails from graduates asking for assistance, mentoring, jobs etc. It must be annoying if you have worked so hard yourself, to be inundated by these requests. But you can just ignore them or delete them. Or pass them on to your assistant to send a polite ‘no’ response. When you are on Linkedin, part of the deal is that people want to connect with you. You can adjust settings so that people CAN’T connect with you. And when people request a connection that you don’t know, you can just delete it. Many people have a policy of only connecting with people they’ve met or spoken to on the phone. Other people will accept every request to connect.
We don’t know the nature of the message Mekota sent Blazek, but her response to receiving Blazek’s message was also unforgivable. This was a private conversation between the two women and possibly it is to Blazek’s credit that she didn’t show the original message from Mekota (although it’s likely she deleted it). To send a private message to all of your friends, spreading it on social media etc is unprofessional. Whilst she was understandably stunned at the response, she too should have deleted or filed it away. Perhaps she should have considered the response: did she actually know Blazek? Was she too forward to a very senior person?? Did she demand an awful lot?? We don’t know. But we do know that her act of sending the message virally did two things: it destroyed the reputation of a senior figure in marketing, but also it made her unemployable – since she showed she wasn’t trustworthy. What would she do within an organisation if she didn’t get her own way? Tweet about it?
But again this story highlights the blurred lines we are dealing with, when using social media. Someone else on the internet isn’t someone you know, so if you approach them, be aware you are a stranger to them. Would you demand a job from them? Would you have high expectations of “What you can get” from emailing them?
On the other hand, it is too tempting for some people to repeat what you write to them. We always say, get things in writing, but be careful what you write because this can be repeated. The same applies to messages on the internet: they’ll be sent everywhere by certain people, so beware.
Graduates are encouraged to network in order to connect with people that know about job opportunities. But in a face to face situation, it is unlikely anyone would have the cheek to ask openly for a job, contacts, mentoring without having a standard conversation first – or a referral. Just because someone is on a site like Linkedin, doesn’t mean it is appropriate to approach them in this way – however, if you are on Linkedin, be prepared for people trying to connect with you for your contacts – and as a precaution switch on the privacy option so your contacts can’t see anyone else!
Great blog post Susan. I read that story with interest when it broke. My take on it was that Blazek was 100% in the wrong. We all start out somewhere, and whilst I take the point about not approaching people out of the blue, the response seemed inappropriately & unprofessionally hostile, verging on childish, littered as it was with arrogance, sarcasm & condescension. As to the lady that approached being unemployable due to not being trustworthy, I disagree. There was no contract or bond of trust there to be broken, she simply made public a rude message from a stranger. That’s the key to it all really, trust still has to be earned in business, like with any other relationship, & that can’t be done via a LinkedIn request or any online connection.
Hi Terence, great to hear from you and thanks ever so much for continuing the debate. I agree: Blazek’s behaviour was appalling. I don’t know about you, but I’ve worked with people and for people like that, and it is horrendous. However, I think the most interesting point is missing – the message sent to Blazek. What was said? Was it also arrogant?? I wonder if Mekota was equally arrogant?? We don’t know. Other than her being extremely angry (understandably) at a vile response, was this the best response to the situation? If she were working on a project, would she be using social media to slag off clients, other suppliers, colleagues?? Social Media has few filters once it is out there, and in my opinion I’d be so concerned that Mekota would be a liability. I do agree that possibly the wide usage of Social Media means that some people forget the principles of building a business relationship with others. I also wonder if there is an element of generational styles of communication with this specific piece. I think we need to continue this debate!!
That’s a good point Susan, I’ve not seen anyone actually mention the original request before. It is possible that it was arrogant or rude, but I must say I doubt it as that would be entirely self-defeating given what she was trying to achieve by sending it. I think it is difficult for young people, they are constantly told to put themselves out there, connect with people, network, and approach established industry professionals, so sometimes it’s easy to overstep. The line is very fine sometimes between being ‘confident and assertive’ and being ‘annoying and presumptuous’. It’s made harder by the fact that the line shifts considerably according to the person in question and there’s really no way of knowing how they’re going to repsond until you’ve made the leap. Some are receptive and open, and others… Well, not so much, as Ms. Blazek so kindly demonstrated… There’s a bit mnore info on this BBC article here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-26377548
Thanks for the link Terence. It is interesting because Blazek clearly felt passionately about helping people with the “Job Bank” she created, and all credit to her for setting this up. Let’s play the devil’s advocate: I wonder if Blazek herself struggled to get on early in her career, and wanted to give something back, now she’d reached a level when she could influence others. I wonder if Mekota’s request was only one of a long list of messages from young people wanting to benefit from the Job Bank; all of which were the wrong side of confident and assertive? She’d had enough….
Also, I am still uncomfortable about Mekota putting this into the public domain, rather than a) taking it on the chin and moving on or b) grovelling with a hand written letter, flowers, apology sent to Blazek’s office in person. I don’t get the impression Mekota realises she could have overstepped the mark…
I’m in London tomorrow – visiting the place we discussed earlier this week, if you have time to continue this conversation over coffee.